When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize