Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
