I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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