my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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