I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I want to be your penis for a week.
Randomize
