he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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