Michael Bay diarrhea
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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