You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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