we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
