i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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