There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
