im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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