I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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