Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
