you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
