oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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