weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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