guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I cut my penus on the lid.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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