she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
