I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
