Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just googled if crying burns calories
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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