It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
