just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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