get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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