Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
