I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He kissed a someone with a penis
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
