Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
