YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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