he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she peed on how many people?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
