Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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