i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
