Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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