he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
