One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
