The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
