Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
