Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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