FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
