oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
