He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
