i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
