Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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