my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
