People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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