I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If that was your dad, he is hot
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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