Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We left an ass print on the piano.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
