I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
