Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Vodka?
Forever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
