Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
