go do what you do best...puke behind churches
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
