He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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