We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
