I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
do herpes really smell.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
