I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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