i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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