It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
