Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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