Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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