He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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